Adding Fuel to the Feminist Fire

Hiya People…. today I am going to risk alienating half of my audience (or at the least males, however many that is) and I want to talk about Feminism. Wait, wait listen up; there is a reason for this. When me and some friends visited our gay friends last night, this topic came up in conversation. By the way I am going to refer to one of the friends as Gay Best Friend (GBF) as he has particularly asked me to do this… and he is anyway; I’ve been very good friends with him since school and every girls needs a GBF like she does shoes, chocolate and a feminist tattoo… oh wait the tattoo bit is just me. (shhh don’t tell!)

Anyway, we were out for dinner and my GBF was telling a story and happened to say ‘He is a Male Whore.’ Now, I can’t reveal who he is on about and the rose wine was flowing so to be honest, I’m not even sure I can remember! But the term ‘Male Whore’ sat wrongly with me immediately anyway. I challenged this and said why did he feel the need to add ‘Male’ onto a word that can mean the same for both genders? This led onto why men get called positive terms such as ‘studs’ and ‘bachelors’ but women get all the negative words.. and this is what I was saying that by adding ‘man’ or ‘male’ onto one of the terms we are saying that the word should normally be associated with women. What do you think of this? I’d love to hear some thoughts…

So me and my GBF began a huuuge debate whilst the other four friends at the table listened (some with interest and I think some were thinking ‘What the hell have you started you whore?!) I revisited my University lectures on Anglo-American and French feminist theories and remembered the argument about the word ‘History’. I am not saying I agree with this bit but I do find it interesting. Some feminists believe that History is like ‘his – story’ and why should it be studied from or be the man’s perspective. I think this is a step too far and my GBF had some interesting insights into this. He knows various languages such as German, French, Swedish and some bits of others. He said that the pronoun ‘he’ or ‘his’ doesn’t always translate into the male gender in all languages and the word ‘history’ comes from latin and the ‘his’ part was actually translated as ‘it’, which in the word ‘history’ gives it no specific gender relation. I think I remembered all this correctly after my few glasses of wine!

We actually stepped outside to continue our conversation after a while… partly to stop the others getting bored and wanting to kill one person off of each gender and also partly because my GBF wanted to smoke and he didn’t want his boyfriend to know… see men can’t even tell other men what to do! 😉 hehe..and sorry GBF for ‘outing’ your smoking habits! We went onto to discuss the word ‘woman’ and is this just the word ‘man’ with the prefix of ‘womb’ on it? My GBF looked from the other side and said that ‘man’ originally meant both genders and that women are lucky to have their own term, whereas men are stuck with the neutral one… well it’s the least we can have after years of not being able to vote!! We also humorously discovered that my name ‘Samantha’ has the word ‘man’ in it and I joked that I couldn’t have that and said my friends should now call me ‘Satha’.

Other topics discussed were when babies are born and they are immediately gendered by being dressed in ‘blue’ or ‘pink’ and this is where my GBF’s boyfriend joined in, who is a psychiatric doctor, and said we wouldn’t believe how much is already biologically determined and even if boys play with Barbie dolls, they may do it in a rough and tumble way and still be determined to be masculine and straight. My point to this was that the individual should be able to choose and parents shouldn’t worry that their girls will be tomboys or their boys dressed in pink with be feminine and gay… because there are a lot of things that determine it anyway. And before you all scream at me, there should’nt be a problem if they were any of those things anyway.

So yes, that was our alcohol fuelled Fancy Friday chatter (my GBF called it Fancy Friday in contrast to our Dirty Thursday due to the contrast that we began the evening by looking round their three storey pad and sipping champagne!) and I realise that this post today has been a lot less light-hearted than the previous ones and to what I have promised, but I’m sorry but sometimes my tattoo burns like Harry Potter’s scar and I have to release all these thoughts. There is no offense meant by any of the above ideas and I don’t completely agree with them all and if anyone has anything to add to the debate then go ahead….

Finally… at the end of the night…… I burnt my bra:

Haha just kidding! This is the remains of the shed that I wanted to share with you! I told you how it got taken to my boyfriend’s brother’s house. Well he didn’t want the roof so we burnt it! and now it has all gone yay!! So no, I didn’t burn my bra, just the remains of the shed….

Now ladies, off you go to wash up 😉

See you tomorrow,

XSXS

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tanya
    Aug 05, 2012 @ 02:27:14

    hmmmm……HISterectomy, MENstration, MENopause, GUYnocology (or however it’s spelt), HISteria, ;-P

    Reply

  2. samanthagray9
    Aug 05, 2012 @ 14:53:29

    Haha yes I remember all these now, all came up in discussion at Uni. We especially looked at Histeria because it always seems associated with women and madness etc.

    Reply

  3. GBF
    Aug 05, 2012 @ 23:59:47

    Hysteria – blame the Greeks for that one… I’m pretty sure the word for “his” wasn’t the same word in Ancient Greek. Don’t forget about Finnish’s lack of gender in their nouns and personal pronouns. By the way I thought your new name was “Sa-non-gender-specific-tha”?

    Reply

  4. David Mulgrew
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 11:25:20

    Feminists these days seem to go a little too far in blaming everything on men and making up ways men are controlling the world and laying claim to everything. “His-Story” is a perfect example. There are feminists that seriously campaign that words like this should be changed. Nutters

    It seems like some feminists have decided, you know what, we’ve got the vote, we’ve got equality in the workplace, what can we blame men for now.

    Women seem to forget the advantages they have. Most workplaces will allow several months for maternity leave but only a few weeks for paternity.

    It is also socially acceptable for a woman to leave work either for a prolonged period of permanently to bond with and care for children. It is not true for men.

    The Shed is typically considered the man’s space and responsibility to care for despite the fact that most of what is in the shed is used for home care. I don’t own a set of tools because I have some sort of fetish for power tools. If I buy a new drill. the woman in the house calls it a purchase for me. If she buys an iron its a purchase for the house.

    Next time one of you feminists goes off on one that its inappropriate for a man to buy a woman a new hoover, bread maker, iron etc for Xmas just remember all the times you’ve seen a man receive tools as a gift and be grateful.

    If women want the kitchen to be “ours” then that’s fine but don’t forget that also means building/maintaining the shed, putting up the shelves, mowing the grass, painting the house and all the other jobs like that become “our” job too. Most feminists forget this and seem to think feminism is about making the man do half the woman’s work when it should be about sharing things equally.

    In my own home she does most of the cleaning and I do most of the DIY. This isn’t because we are sexist its because she has a better eye for cosmetics and I’m physically stronger. This means she’s better at cleaning and I’m better at DIY. If we insisted every job was done equally then everything would take longer and not be done as well.

    These days we spend so much time telling people they shouldn’t be prejudice of gender rolls we forget it can often be a good thing that men are better at some things and women are better at others, not always but often.

    Reply

  5. Sam Gray
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 13:15:28

    Yeh I agree for the His-tory stuff being ridiculous but I just find it interesting and I also agree that some feminists are just looking for something else to complain or fight for. But it is still a problem in a lot of work places where women don’t get pain as much for the same job that a man does. Yes they get maternity leave.. and more than paternity… I’m not even sure if they should be the same anyway since the woman has had to physically carry the baby for nine months and is also recovering rather than just bonding with the baby – but maybe paternity leave should also be longer than it is. Did you know that some women still don’t get employed if they are newly married or a certain age because they may fall pregnant? It still happens as wrong as it.

    I think your comments about DIY products versus household appliances is interesting. Would you or Kenny be happy to receieve a power drill on xmas day? Men seem to get excited about powerful DIY tools. Kenny actually said to me when we doing the garden last night that his dream birthday present would be a ‘step ladder!’ Women don’t tend to get excited about getting irons and washers.. but saying that some may do. I think it’s more of the fact of the individual and some men buy women things like that because they can’t think of anything else and they go into the whole ‘practical’ side of things; when a woman, just like a man, wants to feel special on her birthday. She doesn’t want to feel that ironing is going to be her birthday activity.

    So it depends on what people like and if I thought Kenny or my Dad or anyone would be offended if I got them DIY related tools for presents then I wouldn’t. As for tools being a purchase for ‘you’ the male and household stuff being for the house, I guess that depends on the household lol. We buy everything like that out of our joint account so they are all for both. I agree with you saying that the women probably does more housework and the man does the garden/DIY side of things, we do it like that too. I do more of the housework anyway, simply because I have more free time. It’s the people that say that ‘a woman’s place is the kitchen’ that get me. Each household does that differently too, playing to the individual skills of each gender. I know one houselhold where the woman does all the DIY and the man prefers to do the cooking and cleaning.

    Carl thinks that there will be a wave of Masculinists too… since women have pushed certain things too far. Do you agree?

    Cheers for commenting, maybe we can start a debate that I so long for! lol

    Reply

  6. David Mulgrew
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 18:47:40

    Many women go back to work following pregnancy withing days. Discounting any where there are complications of course. Complications are a different matter as you could easily throw recovering from major surgery into the mix. In a normal pregnancy it may take a lot out of you and take a while to recover from but its still a natural process and these days many people treat it like being sick.

    If a woman is physically unable to return to work following prgnancy she could easily be signed off without maternity leave. Maternity leave is primarily to bond with and care for the child.
    It is an accepted right that a woman should get time off to bond with a child. Men don’t get that.

    Men and women seem to have a different mentality to practical gifts. I would be very happy to receive a new tool that I am in need of. Although in my own case I’m already quite well equipped, or I was until someone borrowed a lot of my larger power tools to do a loft conversion. This makes buying tools for me a bit difficult but in principal I’d be happy with tools.
    Assuming it is actually useful a mans thought is that the item will make his life easier and that is a good thing.

    If I were to buy you a new more powerful hoover you would spend less time cleaning and surely this would be a good thing. Yet you would likely be annoyed I had bought you a sexist cleaning product which is for the house.

    Men buy women hovers, irons etc because we think you would be grateful that we are trying to make your lives easier. 100years ago you would have been grateful but these days women are too busy trying to rebel against the gender stereotype that they reject any gifts that fit into that category even though it would make their lives easier.

    We are not getting excited about the tools themselves (although some do) we are thinking of how much time the new tools will save us next time we are asked to build something.

    Its perfectly fine for the man to do the cleaning and the woman to do the DIY its just these days many women seem to force this even though it would be easier the other way round. They are just rebelling against the gender stereotype.

    I know several me who aren’t appreciated as they should be and whos lives are made more difficult by the woman pushing the feminist view that the man should do half the cleaning while still refusing to do the DIY. Not because they are a woman but because they just can’t.
    Its about time these men told the women to get off their ar$3 and stop watching telly while the man lays some slabs etc or just accep that if she really can’t do a “man’s job” then she should be taking on a larger proportion of the “women’s jobs”

    I don’t think the masculinists revolution will happen soon but if things keep trending the way they do then I think its bound to happen. Women need to start appreciating it when men do something they can’t instead of going on that they could have done the mans job but chose not to

    Reply

  7. Mr Seahorse
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 19:18:35

    This is getting interesting… It seems almost that it’s a man’s ‘fault’ that a woman gets pregnant – I do wonder if male seahorses get the same amount of time off when they give birth…

    Irony aside, I think this highlights that unfortunately genetics dictates more things than we’d like and in respect to receiving a ‘womanly’ present or a ‘manly’ present, I’d be just as happy to receive a Kenwood Chef or Dyson (upright!) as much as I would a lawn mower – but that’s not because I don’t have a woman to complete these chores because I’m chauvinistic or the fact that my sexual orientation means that one of us takes on the female role – no, it’s the fact that that’s how the dynamics of our relationship functions – I will hang a picture before or after I’ve baked a cake.

    It’s very easy to generalise and point fingers and I believe that certain things become problems because people are far too happy to play the victim rather than do something proactively about it. One point I’d like to make is that there’s more and more emphasis on female board members – fine by me but eg if the law dictates 50% of these board members are required to be female what happens if there are 4 female board members and 5 male board members but 1 more is required and out of two people one man one woman, the man is chosen over the woman because his skills or experience is better than that of the woman – now I know this is long winded and very hypothetical but is that company going to be penalised because it’s gone for the stronger candidate who’s male or does the company have to suffer because of a quota? Like I said, hypothetical but what IF that was a dilemma a company faced?

    Society and opinions are changing and I think for the time being feminists need to appreciate that the more absurd their accusations are the less seriously they will be taken and as time goes on, equality will even out – that doesn’t mean not to keep fighting but bear in mind that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Consider homosexuality; pride festivals a kind of feminist march for the gays, yes we need to fight our corner but we don’t need a ridiculously flamboyant song and obviously choreographed dance to make that statement.

    Anyway I’ve babbled on far too much. Comments, contradictions and opinions please!

    Reply

  8. Sam Gray
    Aug 09, 2012 @ 21:02:11

    I love the fact that your called sea horse lol! Yes, I think it has gone too far and that people worry so much about being sexist that sometimes the woman is chosen even if the man has better skills. It happens a lot in reverse in teaching, especially within teaching assistants. Male TAs are very rare and pupils seem to like having that balance of gender… and it is important to. Like when I worked with Special needs, it was awkard because we were all female and had to take boy pupils to get changed, to the loo etc. So often schools think ‘Oooh a man has applied!’ and he gets put through… but hang on what about us females who have experience and can do the job just as well/or better.

    I’ve lost focus on that pregnancy argument to be fair because it wasn’t a point I was making to begin with… clearly some right and wrong things about that concerning paterinty and maternity etc.

    I have been with two girl mates tonight and I read out Dave’s comment to them and one point that came up was… do men not like doing DIY? Or at least some? They get a product at the end.. get to see their image come to life. The same cannot be said from cleaning a floor… well it’s the same but clean. But I completely agree that these jobs shouldn’t be gender specifc and like SeaHorse says homosexuality isn’t relevant to it either. I think it comes down to talents and ability. Seahorse makes a cake and hangs pictures. I would make a cake but can’t hang pictures. I would clean the house and organise things because I am good at it.Kenny will sort the garden, insulate the loft and mend things… not because they are ‘male’ jobs but because he is better at them, just as I am the others. As for decorating… My Mum did it haha… cos neither of us can or had time to.

    I also agree that things should shared out evenly and women can’t expect men to do half of the cleaniing when they aren’t going to do the other stuff. But I don’t know who the unappreciated men are Dave because I hope Kenny feels appreciated and I don’t make out I do more than him overall. I do get annoyed when I feel I have done more if I have cleaned the floors, hoovered, polished, cooked dinner and he hasn’t helped at all…. or done any of this jobs he is good at that day. But overall I think it’s pretty evenly split throughout the year.. just not always from week to week!
    And I’m dying to know who sits on their bum watching TV whilse slabs are being lifted?? lol… hope certain people aren’t reading! If it is who I think, had she done other jobs that day? Maybe that was break time!

    I think it is different in every household but I disagree when Seahorse says that ‘eqailty will even out’ because i don’t think it ever will. And should it? We ARE different and maybe part of the fun is celebrating the differences and in some ways we will never be treated equally? Men and from Mars and all that…..

    Reply

  9. David Mulgrew
    Aug 10, 2012 @ 17:16:21

    Yes I do like some DIY jobs. Theres a sense of accomplishment from doing a job. Its not like we do most DIY for fun though. I get no pleasure at all from cleaning out the guttering and getting covered in bird poo and slime.

    I also enjoy cooking which is supposed to be a womans job. I’d even feel proud when I’d done a good job of cleaning something (although usually I feel sh!t that I’ve done such a bad job) .

    Men also feel good about doing something that benefits out household and family, we’re good like that.

    Kenny hasn’t mentioned any dissatisfaction with your level of appreciation and I’ve not witnessed any belittling of his hard work. So your doing well on that front. Tanya is also very good in this regard. If I’m out in the garden digging or building a wall or something along those lines shes usually in the house cleaning, she also usually keeps me (and any other male workers) stocked with drink and food.

    The slabs was just an example of a mans job and I’m not on about a particular person I know a couple who have that attitude.

    Reply

  10. Sam Gray
    Aug 11, 2012 @ 12:34:07

    Ok. I apologise for thinking you were on about someone specific lol. Seems we actually agree then that men and women can do both sort of jobs.. but some are better than others and that really comes down to skill not gender.

    Must add though that I’ve just been sawing, digging and lifting… v rare for me lol! It’s mainly because Kenny is away and I couldn’t stand nothing being done on the garden all weekend… not sure I’ll make a habit of it though! 😉

    Reply

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