I have recently re-read Bridget Jones’s Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. I was a big fan when the books came out and was equally excited when the films came out (yet, I have realised how different the 2nd film is to the book after re-reading it years later!) I felt the urge to read them again as there is a third book and film in the pipeline and all ‘big pant’ wearing Bridget fans are probably just as eager as me! The idea was to write, what I thought the first chapter would be of the 3rd book, in the style of Bridget. I saw this idea in a Sunday magazine, where lots of writers have done just this. I still plan to do this – BUT, this post is a holiday diary about my recent holiday, written by me, as me but in the style of the Bridget Jones’s books.
Friday 2nd August
Cars to destination 3, Trains to destination 1 (London friend), CDs played in car 4. CDs that wouldn’t play in car 9 (no Britney Spears or Spice Girls for us grrrr!) Bags – too many! Rooms in mansion 12, Potential Calories in car after food shop 2 million
12 noon. The house in Cornwall. Lovely journey really. Love my lovely friends. In our car there was me, Kenny and my friend, Kath. Lots of fun singing to silly songs and we met the rest of gang for a full English on the motorway (not actually on the road – but you know what I mean!) Service station prices are a complete rip off though! Calories consumed so far: must be over a 1000 (but now officially not counting as on holiday – hurrah!
House we are staying in is wonderful. 12 rooms which include 4 bedrooms, my dream kitchen and a hot tub! Wonder if me and Kenny could buy a house like that one day… mmmm. The girls did the first food shop when we arrived, which was v. amusing. We had to fit about 23 carrier bags in the car, plus 4 boxes of alcohol, luggage and our actual friend, Neil, who we picked up from the station on route! With sea gull poo on the car too, we felt right at home in Cornwall.
12 midnight Great first night. Girls cooked dinner of pasta and salad – with beer and wine of course. The boys sat in hot tub whilst we cooked, seemed studying Feminism at Uni didn’t pay off mmmmm. Will make sure boys cook tomorrow. Lots of fun and drinks in hot tub after. Yippie.
Saturday 3rd August
Amount of sun burnt bodies 8/8, well-hung horses 1, weird food choice 1 (basil ice-cream – strangely nice!), amount of sand grains returned to house 3 million. Ice-creams consumed 1 (just me – we didn’t all share just 1!)
2pm The beach. Lovely day at the beach. Bit of a goose chase on the way though as had to find beach. Walked for miles, all 8 of us, round a potato field and many other fields! I was regretting wearing flip-flops for this façade but when we got to the beach it was all worth it. Massive waves for us to jump about in and gorgeous sun for us to sit in. We then all had lunch by the beach – paninis and salad that kept flying about in the sea breeze. Kind of a side of sun burn with our meal, as well felt a bit sore as returned to the house.
3pm back at the house. Turns out the others, who took the scenic route back, saw a very well-hung horse! Photographic evidence was hilarious – you can take the girl out of swad….. talk about seeing the sights of Cornwall!
10.30pm Local restaurant. V. sophisticated meal out – made less so with our oohs and ouches and flinches at our sun burn! My red arm is on fire honestly. It is burning and could have cooked the boys’ steaks on. Ouch. Must remember lots of sun-cream tomorrow.
Sunday 4th August
Times fainted 1. Ambulances called 1, Paramedics 2, souvenirs bought 0, sun rays 0, calories consumed – oh thousands (need to keep strength up!)
8am the house. It’s raining. No need to worry about sun cream or getting burnt today. Doh.
4pm the house. Cannot believe what has just happened. Been a crappy day weather wise, so we have all done our own thing. The lads have hung out together and us girls decided to do some souvenir shopping in town – after a tea and cake of course! Love souvenir shopping! Unfortunately, we didn’t get that far. I fainted in the first shop. Sparked right out on the floor. Was reading quote signs as I collect them. Hadn’t been feeling great all day but put down to lack of sleep and sun stroke.
Ambulance was called and 2 paramedics did some tests on me. Friends were bloody brilliant. Turns out when they heard the crash they exclaimed, ‘Bet that’s Sam, being clumsy again!’ Know me so well They all dropped souvenirs and ran to my side. Tahlee, who is a nurse, gave her expertise first aid and Kath held my legs in air. Was like a dramatic scene out of a soap. Woman even offered close shop! Paramedics said I need go Doctors when return home but seemed fine from the tests. The choc cake I had had helped to raise my blood sugars – hurrah! Always knew choc cake would save my life one day!
Monday 5th August
Times fainted 0 (progress!), animals seen 24, Cornish pasties consumed 1, whales seen 0
11am the last/first house. Went to Land’s End today. Great day and we had a coffee in the ‘last’ (or first) house. Is sweet, as no one will let me go off on my own in case I faint again. Lovely friends. May get a bit annoying after a few days though, being the independent woman that I am! We all thought we saw a whale in the sea. V excited we were too! Lads found it hilarious when we realised was just a rock. I wasn’t convinced for a long while after as was sure it was moving. Mmmm.
5pm went to a little farm at Land’s End too – very cute guinea pigs, sheep, pigs, hens etc. Do love animals, as long as they don’t get too close or smell! We also went to a 4D cinema and was scary. Seat jerked aside and water sprayed in our faces as part of the films. Weird.
11pm Starting to feel back to normal now – as normal as I get anyway (hurrah!) Had some wine tonight and lovely BBQ in garden.
Tuesday 6th August
Mounts belonging to St. Michael seen 1, fish eaten by sea 1 (plus many chips!), dates with Kenny 1, man seen with Lidl tattoo (by friends in scary pirate themed club) 1
11pm the house Realised people of Penzance are weird. My friends saw a man with a lidl tattoo tonight, my first thought was ‘that can’t be real!’ But then I thought… why would you even buy a fake one?! There was a v. annoying woman on the causeway leading to St. Michael’s Mount too. Was on our way back to the shore and the tide had started coming in. She started shouting at everyone coming the other way ‘Don’t you know the tide is coming in?! You’ll get trapped!’ Felt most embarrassed for her, as there is a boat for people to catch back. Ha!
The mount was good, seen it before but always nice to see with friends. Was lot culture and old things. Great views, but had be careful not to faint, as is long way down. Had fish and chips on the beach after. V. good. Me and Kenny went on a date tonight, whilst the others went on a mad, pirate night out. Date was good. Lovely cosmopolitan and Guinness at a local pub then a meal and a pirate related restaurant. Huge fish pie and Kenny gave me his mushrooms – hurrah! Another weird woman said to me ‘You look nice and feminine in that dress!’ Strange. Does she think I am a man in a girly dress?!
Seemed the others mainly had a good time…. Lidl tattoo and gay club people hitting on them aside. One the lads also took Kath’s duvet. She was not happy. May have something to do with us girls hiding the boys’ beer last night. Oops. Must think of suitable revenge.
To be continued……